My last week

Well, this week has not been as successful as the week before. The ambush? One word: leftovers. Yeah, I made it through Thanksgiving (I'm Canadian, for those that don't know!) and managed to not eat that much over my limit. But .... leftovers!!!! I cooked up a crazy load of food to eat, and it was all in the fridge, all week, and it was there late at night, while my husband was at work. Mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, meatballs with sweet and sour sauce, dressing, turkey, ham .... apple crisp. MMMMmmm....!

Why would I do this to myself? Well, I really wanted to give my husband a special meal for Thanksgiving, even though it's just the two of us ... to start a Tradition for our family, being newly married. We were both bummed out at not going out for Thanksgiving anywhere, and decided to cook up a meal at the last minute. It was a wonderful meal! I had never cooked such a feast before mostly by myself. (My husband was doing some last-minute work on the house before winter while I cooked)

And it was so good. I left the table full but not grossly filled up in pigginess. Like I usually would at a meal like this. But afterwards, in the following days, all that food got to me. I just lost control this week. I admit it. And felt terrible ... terrified that I would gain it all back. I had a period of about three weeks where I felt great ... in control and not letting food control me.

This weekend, I am taking back the reins. Last night, we went to some friends to watch videos. There were LOTS of snacks. I had three carrots, all night, and water. Oh, and about 8 rice crackers. A bit high on salt but low-calorie. For supper, the boys and my gorgeous husband suggested A &W. I insisted on Quizno's (subs). I had an eight-inch Chicken sub. No A&W for this girl .... even though we were in a rush, and time was short.

But man, this is hard! I am fighting against my own tendency to want to give up. It  is so constant! And so easy to mess it up! It only takes a day or two of going off track to start those habits again. Yikes!!!

I have been teaching the kids character education at school, and this month's saying is:
Watch your thoughts. They can become your words.

Watch your words. They can become your actions.

Watch your actions. They can become your habits.

Watch your habits. They can become your character.

Watch your character. It can become your destiny.

And how quickly those little actions of greediness, of gluttony can become habits again! And how quickly those depressing thoughts can lead me to the actions of overeating!

On the other hand (always trying to find the positive side!), how quickly good actions can become good habits! Which will eventually lead to a destiny of healthiness and normal weight!!!

Yay!!!!

The Bag Lady and the Princess

Well, I have kind of established a routine I can work with regarding blogging. When I'm working, I only seem to be to manage one or two posts a week, for now. These posts are on the weekend, when I have some time. During the week, I'm just so tired by the end of the day, and can't seem to pump out many new ideas, after pumping out ideas all day with my students!

There's another reason I can't seem to blog more than twice a week, too. It's kind of that I am a bit shy sometimes about sharing my progress, or lack of it. For example, when I am doing well, I don't want to brag too much ... and when I am not doing well, I am a bit ashamed. Sometimes blogging feels like going around the room shouting, "me, me, me!!!" Haha! It doesn't have to be just about me, but that's the idea ... to write about my journey to weight loss .... and there's a part of me that sometimes resists that. I think it's the same part of me that sometimes thinks it's self-centred to demand my choice of healthy restaurants rather than MacDonald's. The same part that says that going for a walk to exercise this body isn't really worth it. The part that sometimes would rather disappear than ask for and work for what she wants. Call it my shadow self, or my addictive self, or my destructive self ... she's there.

A while back, I was receiving counselling for a relationship gone very bad. The counsellor asked me to draw two pictures of myself: one of the me that was depressed and hopeless, and one of the me that wanted to heal and move on. It was a very powerful exercise for me. One was a picture of a street lady .... dirty, ugly, cheap and caring nothing for herself. The other was of a very strong powerful, confident woman who always took care of herself and stood up for herself. I fleshed each woman out with a very detailed description, and realized that each one was part of me.

Wow! That experience helped to see that there was a strong woman inside of me, in spite of my depression at the time, in spite of my overwhelming feeling of despair. At the time, I told my counsellor, "I am getting rid of the bag lady." She said something I will never forget: "don't reject her. Honour her and her needs." Wow!! That bag lady needed love!

How does all this relate to today and my weight loss? Well, there is a battle going on in me ... and many of us, between the "bag lady" that doesn't think she is worthy of taking the time for, and the "gorgeous woman" who knows she is worth it. A big part of weight loss is finding a balance that works for us between being gentle with our weaknesses, and finding our strengths.

Over the Top

Well, I haven't written for a while, not sure what to write.

First of all, I received an award: The Over The Top Award! From a wonderful poster, MissyM, at Fearless Missy. Here is the link: http://fearlessmissy.blogspot.com/2009/10/award.html. Thank you, Missy, for all your encouragement.

Thank you so much, Missy! This is how the award works. I answer the following questions with one word answers and then pass it one to six others. Here goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? kitchen

2. Your hair? thick

3. Your mother? gone

4. Your father? distant

5. Your favorite food? Chili

6. Your dream last night? sad

7. Your favorite drink? milk

8. Your dream/goal? Drama

9. What room are you in? kitchen

10. Your hobby? Polyvore

11. Your fear? failure

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Yukon

13. Where were you last night?home

14. Something that you aren’t? apathetic

15. Muffins? banana

16. Wish list item? house

17. Where did you grow up? Drumheller

18. Last thing you did? hugged

19. What are you wearing? pajamas

20. Your TV? huge

21. Your pets? kitten

22. Friends? generous

23. Your life? hectic

24. Your mood? peaceful

25. Missing someone? nieces

26. Vehicle? Camry

27.Something you’re not wearing? shoes

28. Your favorite store? Jysk

29. Your favorite color? purple

30. When was the last time you laughed? tonight

31. Last time you cried? yesterday

32. Your best friend? sister

33. One place that I go to over and over? work

34. One person who emails me regularly? ??

35. Favorite place to eat? Home

Okay, done! That was kinda fun. Now, I pass it to:

Melissa at http://melissavenableweightloss.blogspot.com/

Jennifer at http://www.100pounds2lose.com/

 Jodie at http://theoverweightlife.blogspot.com/

http://101reasonsihatebeingfat.blogspot.com/

Jenny at http://jenchoosinglife.blogspot.com/

http://391days.blogspot.com/

Okay, girls, thank you so much for your blogs. They are definitely awesome and Over-the-Top!!! And if you have already done this, don't worry!

Well, I have more blogging to do, but I will save it for another entry.

Taking Stock

I just read an article in a Prevention magazine publication about willpower. What it said, in a nutshell, was that our motivation, all of ours, is limited. Therefore, you shouldn't try to cut down on your computer time at the same time that you try to quit smoking. Because there are actual physical reasons that you only have so much willpower on hand. Well, that explains a lot! All of my willpower is going towards my job! And that is not just an excuse; it's actually true!

So, as one blogging friend, said, it is hard to concentrate on exercising and eating right at the same time. I guess it makes sense, then, to focus on one thing at a time, until they become more habits. Makes sense to me! And sounds more hopeful, too!

This week, I did not record my eating and I did not exercise. But ... I am not eating junk food, for the most part. And I was before, a lot. I am not trying to get less stressed than I  used to. I am making healthy food choices, most of the time. And I am eating a lot less than I used to. So, even if I am not accomplishing as much as I would like, I do see that my lifestyle has changed. Definitely. I  am choosing to be positive about that ... instead of beating myself up for not doing more. The "more" will come, in time. I just don't want to regress ... that is the huge thing!!!! In the past, I have always regressed and gained weight. This time, I am going to hold on ... making better eating choices.

My life still has a lot of other stresses ... the job, the marriage ... that I am concentrating on. That still bring me stress ... and just the overall busyness of my life. The way it is hard to have time to go out and just relax. All of these things add up, and make it hard to add anything else. Yet. But I will in time.

And something must be working. I saw a friend I hadn't seen in a few months. She commented several times that I looked like I had lost weight. I really value her opinion. She struggles with weight, too, so she is not condescending about it, but just really encouraging.

So, for this week, I am going to try to continue to make good choices in my eating, without any junk food. I won't promise to exercise, or to track my food this week. But I will promise to do my best not to regress and to watch my eating.

Mite-Y Shiloh!

My little cat, Shiloh, has been such a wonderful addition to our household ... and we love her so much, BUT ... she had been getting hard to live with the last week or so. She was attacking us in the middle of the night and clawing at our legs constantly. She was making it a bit hard to love her.

Well, my husband had thought she was scratching her ears too much, but she didn't do it much around me, so I didn't think it was that bad. On Friday, she was starting to make a really strange, pathetic crying sound that sounded like she was being tortured. I checked her ears and there was tons of brown gunk in there! I panicked because she was in so much pain and checked on line for what it might be. The most obvious answer seemed to be ear mites, and sure enough, brown stuff in her ears was a major sign.


It was 10:30 at  night, too late for a vet, so I searched desperately for a home solution to get her through the night. One site suggested that olive oil would kill off some of them. So, I cleaned out her ear with the swab covered in oil and drowned her little head and ears with oil. She calmed down somewhat for the night. The next day, I called the vet, and they took her in right away.

Well, sure enough, mites it was! The vet showed us the microscope with these live mites dancing underneath, and they were disgusting. Apparently, there were probably thousands of these things in her ear, and they were attacking her constantly. As well, they make the most tortuous sound known to cat! A loud, constant buzzing sound!

The vets had to wash her ears out thoroughly and then put a medication in her ear which stays in for a month. She fought so much that she had to be sedated. ( I don't blame the poor thing for fighting!)  When she came home, she was so tired all night that she slept for about 12 hours straight, and didn't want to be held. Finally, at three in the morning, I gave her some food and she came back to her usual sleeping place beside us in the bed.

And now Shiloh is a new cat!!!! She is so much calmer, and is not scratching us. She is playful, but not scary aggressive. She is no longer being tortured by those evil ear mites. I'm so grateful for that vet!